Haesook Yoon/ Oral History Final Draft/ Tue. 9 a.m.

Hates 201302209 Haesook Yoon                Hating someone for no reason happens sometimes. I also had that moment when I was in high school and was very confused because I thought there were always reasons for hates. It was not only my problem so I met my high-school friends to talk about it. We eventually got into a discussion whether hate is inherent emotion or not and control of hates.              The stars were bright when we met in a very warm café. I had a cup of coffee, Sarah had a cup of latte and Amy had a cup of hot chocolate. It was just a week after Amy's College Scholastic Ability Test of Korea, so we were very excited to meet each other. We talked about our high-school memories and Amy's another year studying for the test again. Because hating someone or being hated was a tough topic, I had to be very careful before I ask questions. To my relief, we had no secrets to each other about our high school life. Before the harsh questions I asked them about their childhood hates. I asked them when their first hate was. Sarah who was always bright and brisk, quickly repeated my question. "The first hate? What do you mean, like the first, first hate?" So emphasizing the 'first', I asked the question again. "Yes, when was you 'first' hate?" The two girls looked at each other and really thought hard to remember their first hate. Then, Sarah started her story. "Well, my first hate, or something like hate was my younger sister and my mom. As you all know I have two younger sisters and one younger brother. When I only had one sister, our parents bought us a double-deck bed. We fought to get the first deck and our mother stopped us. As the result of our fight, mom hit me in the palm 15 times and my sister's 10 times. I thought that was really unfair. The fact that I am only 2 years older than my sister does not mean that I have to give everything to her. Also that cannot be the reason for more punishment. That moment I hated my sister and at the same time envied her. I still think my mom's treat was wrong." Sarah's stubborn face made us laugh. She also wanted us to agree that her mom was mistreating her, so we did. "Yes, older age does not mean infinite give away. So what happened as you grew up? Do you two still fight over little things?" I asked. "Not now, but as my sister and I grew together we fought a lot over tiny things such as seats in the car or sharing our clothes. However, now I do not really care whether she gets more than me. Because that much is not really a 'more-than-me' size. Now I understand that sometimes I can have more and other time she can have more." Amy added to Sarah's saying. "That's true. I also think that just by concentrating on what you can get instead of what others are getting compared what you are getting, people can be much happier." We all nodded. I thought we needed more sugar to talk so bought two pieces of tiramisu cake. As we all had some rest and are charged with sugar we started our discussion. This time I asked Amy about her experience of first hate. She had quite different story from Sarah. "When I really felt strong hate, I was 16. I studied in the United States and there I was busy learning the culture and language. I really could not have a moment to hate somebody. Also there were a lot of Korean students and we were very close as we were in the same situation. However, when I came back and went to a Korean middle school, there were more separated groups in a class. Fortunately, I got into a group. However, two girls from other group sometimes joined our group to hang out. When they did, they talked to my friends but not to me. They listened to my friends but not me. I thought they were pushing me out from my group of friends. That's when I really felt strong hate. They hated me first, so I hated them too, just in a same way. I acted as if they were not there. This lasted for about two years and finally we went to different high schools." Sarah and I did not know this story, so we were surprised. However I continued. "So I guess some people have inborn hates and other people learn their hates from others. However, we all agree that humans have hate inside them, right?" They nodded. "Just like Sarah changed her mind to control her hates, have you tried anything to control you hates, Amy?" I asked. "Well, in the middle-school I showed my hates to others easily and did not try to control them because they caused my hate. In contrast, in high-school, I also experienced hates for no reason and totally understand what you feel, Haesook. Because I learnt to hate others by them hating me, I could not understand myself hating others although they are not hating me. So, for days and weeks I tried to find the reason, avoiding the person I hate. But I could not. So from that moment, I started to hate myself. You know, hating me is more hurting that being hated from others. Now, as a lot of time went by, and I just understand that these things can happen. One thing I can do is to hope that this will not happen again." That was true. Things happen all the time. All we could do was to pray that those heartbreaking things not to happen again. I could not ask more about Amy's story because that might hurt her again by reminding her how she hated herself. Suddenly, I felt the night breeze. After we all talked about our hates, we were all in silence. Then Sarah broke the ice by telling us the Christmas party we will be having in few weeks. We forgot the hates and planned the party. The stars in the sky were blue but still bright.