Jihoon Yoo 201301135/Oral History Final Draft/Tuesday 9-11am

FINAL DRAFT Love is the Strongest Power Jihoon Yoo EIT 201301135              I pondered very hard on who to interview, as I could not think of a person that went through so much hardship or terrible incidents during their lifetime, like the person that was a soldier during the WW2 written in our book. While I was typing random people like grandmother, aunt, and uncle on my laptop, I unconsciously looked at the kitchen to see my mother, who was making a noisy by doing the dishes. While she was doing the dishes, at the same time she was watching a drama that she watched very often and was laughing so hard, and suddenly an image of her doing the dishes at my grandparent's house popped up inside my head like a flash. "She never had that laugh, nor did she ever look so happy in my grandparent's house" I murmured to myself in disbelief. She was very polite and friendly to my grandparents, to my aunt, uncle and my cousins indeed, but she always seemed like she was keeping something to herself. I always knew that my grandfather and my mother did not get along very well, but every time I asked her, she refused to talk in details. So without any doubt I decided to interview my mother and about her marriage, and unveil some secrets concerning her and her father-in-law that she was hiding from me. When I asked for her permission on interviewing her for my work, she frowned and said, "Well, what are you going to interview about me? Surely there are not many interesting things about my life." "Actually, I am going to interview you about your early years of marriage, like whether there were any troubles related to you and your father-in-law." Then I looked closely at her face, concerned about her not wanting to talk about the issue, but she said with a wide grin on her face, "then I have a lot to say about that issue." "Before I talk about it, I know we recently celebrated you and father's wedding anniversary, and so on what year did you and father get married? Do you remember that day?" "Yes I still remember the day vividly like it was only yesterday. It was November 24th, 1991, and the weather was very cold and rainy." She began to retrospect on the wedding day. She said she was very nervous and anxious, but on top of everything, she could not even believe she was getting married. She said my father was no difference. According to my mother, his face was very serious with just a pinch of smile that was clearly made with a great effort. "I asked your father to do his hair in a proper salon, but he was so nervous that he went to the barbershop instead and had his hair cut really short. He couldn't even differentiate between salons and barbershops." Realizing that my father got accepted to the Public Administrations Examination after my older sister was born; I got curious and asked her: "What was the reason that made you want to marry my father even though the future was uncertain then?" "The future was uncertain indeed, and there was no proof or solid evidence that he was going to pass. However, the way he studied for his exam was enough to convince me that he was going to make it, and even if he did not pass, it felt like he was able to succeed in another area or career," she said, and chuckled quietly, having remembered how my father and she was reckless enough to get married at that period. She did not have any trouble with her father-in-law before she got married, or even during the first few years of her marriage. In fact, before the marriage she only met her parents-in-law three times in total, first to introduce herself, then on the Thanksgiving Day just for a few hours, and on the day of engagement, which was due to such a long distance between where my father and my mother lived. When I asked her what her first impression of her father-in-law was like, she said: "Your grandfather was very kind, and welcomed me with all his heart. I felt very lucky to have such a warm-hearted father-in-law back then." She explained her early years of marriage into two words, 'emotionally tiring.' Back in the early days of her marriage, she lived with my father's family in Seoul, having left her own parents living in Incheon. However, nothing seemed bright, as there were seven family members excluding herself which she had to take care of. Therefore every day she would prepare meals (breakfast, lunch, and dinner) for my great-grandparents and my grandparents, my uncle and aunt whom were still college students, and my father. Also, my mother had to wake everyone up in the morning at their appointed times, and clean every rooms including the kitchen and the toilet. To make matters worse, as my father was still studying for his exam, she was left with my great-grandparents and my grandparents during the day when my father went to study in the library. She explained the situation as 'a little girl having lost her parents in a big zoo with immense and scary animals threatening her.' "Those were the worst days of my entire life. Your father was away studying, and I was doing all the chores in a house that used to have no relationship with me whatsoever before the marriage, and do the errands that my parents-in-law asked me to do. It never felt like I just got married to your father, because I saw your grandparents more than your father," she said with her eyes closed, as if she was visually reminiscing those moments as she spoke. Suddenly she added after a while, "but at that time, your grandfather still was very fond of me, and was very generous."  "Then when did things start to get difficult? You said you had a lot of trouble with your father-in-law," I asked for her explanation. "That was when your father passed the Public Administrations Examination. From that time onwards, things started to get difficult and arduous for me." Suddenly the tone of her voice became very low and monotonous, and I held her hand to soothe her just to find out that her hands were actually cold. She started speaking very calmly and quietly. When my father was studying for the exam, even though all family members were cheering for him, my grandparents were concerned about him not having any job now that he was married, and therefore wanted my father to have another job. However, as soon as he passed the exam, my grandparents regarded of him differently. He instantly became the breadwinner of the family, and my mother, whom was normally regarded as an angel that stood beside by my father even though he did not have any job, was degraded to a person that was just next to my father. Therefore that time onwards my grandfather always picked on my mother with even the tiniest things like not having cold water at home, or answering late when he called her. They must have thought that my father deserved a better woman now that he became so successful. When I asked her: "do you remember one incident that happened because of your father-in-law? One that made you devastated and hurtful?" She thought for a while, and after a short breath she began answering my question. "It was before giving birth to your sister. It was during the eighth month of my pregnancy, and I had to go to your grandparent's house. It was too far from where I stood, and therefore I decided to take a taxi. When I got home and explained that I took a taxi because I was too tired, your grandfather yelled at me for taking the taxi and told me that I was wasting money for no reason. That was the most devastating moment of my life, and I wanted to leave everything and never talk to your grandfather again." My mother talked about her most sorrowful incident without having any emotion on her words, and therefore it even made me more uncomfortable as it seemed that she was just trying to hide her sadness from me. But at the same time, the feeling of admiration towards my mother grew, because if it were my case I would not have endured all the hardship that she went through, and would have just gave everything up. "I know it's very typical and unoriginal, but the key is love. Love is what makes you withstand despite all the hardships. I became part of this family because I loved your father, and as that was the case I also had to embrace your father's family too," she said with a wide smile on her face. It has been over 20 years since my parents got married, and my mother still seemed to love my father very much. After all the hardships and harsh incidents that she went through, she said that all started to get better when my parents moved out from my grandparent's house. And she did not forget to mention that it was one of the greatest decisions that she made so far. For the last question, I asked what advice she would give to herself in the past, and she told me without hesitation: "Do not keep your anger to yourself, but try to release it by having a conversation with the person you are angry at." Being a young 24 years old woman, she always thought of it as a norm not to talk back to the elders, especially her parents-in-law. Therefore she always said "yes" to everything my grandfather told her to do, and that conversely made my grandfather to look down on my mother. Also, all she gained from being a 'yes woman' was stress and frustration towards her father-in-law, and numberless wounds inside her heart. She mentioned that if she had been more confident and independent she would not have gone through all the hardships related to her father-in-law, and accentuated that it is never okay to just endure everything and try to be nice all the time. Her last words for our interview were "it is rather wise and sensible to talk about things that you want others to change." Right after the interview had finished, as usual my mother started giving me lectures on how to live independently, and that I should always express my opinion and never succumb to what other people say. It was so typical of my mother, but she was my mother that was, and still is much stronger than any other people anyone can imagine.