The Cruise, my most meaningful site.
On the clear blue sky of the Finland, ocean was also as clear as the sky. In the summer of 2010, I am with the big backpack which makes ratting sound because of my ironic cups at the side, heading to the Sweden to Stockholm with my cousin. The way to get there is numerous, but we made a big choice to take the cruise to there. Yes, it was expensive for both of us but we thought that this chance will never return. So we took a step toward the ship.
The entering the cruise was like a passing through the immigration. People were waiting at the long line of the black gate which scans you. Also the employees are checking your visa and passport so it really felt like I am taking a plane. After when we first came into the ship, the new world began. I never saw the ship that is too big that have an elevator and hall and it looks like I am in a type of an amusement not the ship. Shops are across the hall like a big street and every floor people were busy going their way. The top was sealed with glasses which allow us to look at the sky.
The room is small but confident enough. Window in the room was designed round to remind that we are in the ship. The bed was chained with a wall and this was also reminded us that this is ship. But the window was too big that we could also show the room across the hall. So we had to call in mind to take the curtain before we went to sleep. After we put the things in the room, we went out to look on the cruise. It was like a scene of movie that the ship also had a swimming pool and spa. The spindle tree looks like palm tree was near the spa and swimming pool to make the place more appropriate.
When evening, we went out to the deck. The sunset on the sea was the most beautiful in the world. Sun was wetting the ocean into the red. That is what we so called 'the sun is painting the sea.' Ship was also making big noise at the top of the chimney. People were having fun same as us lean on the handrail watching the sunset. Stars were slowly appearing on sky which was mixing with red, blue and black. The moon was light round and the temperature slowly goes down and we went to sleep.
It was just one day and I was in there just for a twelve hours. But I never forgot that meaningful time. It was the first time I took big ship but also the place I only dreamed before. After that day, my only dream was to ride on that ship just one more time with my family. I really want to show them the most important scene ever I saw to the most important people to me.
염준호 201303872
ReplyDelete1. I like the extra personal details that are not related to the place, but helps understand the situation like the the big backpack that makes rattling sounds due to the ironic cups.
2. Yes, the writer described the place clearly.
3. The sunset for visual, and the rattling sound for sound.
4. This place is very busy and compact.
5. I think the writer chose to write about this place because it was very meaningful to him, and he met people who are very important to him.
6. I think you can add more senses about the actual cruise, like what does the place smell like, what you felt, etc, and more showing not telling.
Writer’s name: Sejong Lee
ReplyDeleteReader’s name: Jihoon Yoo
1. The best thing about your essay was that you were very detailed and specific about the cruise you took. For example, you explained in detail about an elevator and the hall, or the windows, which are very helpful in visualizing a cruise. Even though I have never ridden on a cruise, I was able to fully visualize the cruise you took, which is very advantageous and crucial in an essay like the one you wrote.
2. You were very thorough on describing the interior of the cruise, but I think you lacked about describing the exterior of the cruise like what illustrations were on the sides of the cruise, or how big it seemed like when you were lining up to enter the cruise. Also, it would have been much better if you explained about the deck of the cruise like you did with the interior of the cruise. Those will make your essay more interesting and helpful.
3. You dealt with two senses which are sound and sight. For the sound, the only sentence was “which makes ratting sound because of my ironic cups”. By this sentence, I could visualize a person with a big backpack with cups by the sides, and the excited and thrilled emotions the person felt. And for the sight, you said that the cruise looked like an amusement park. Because of this sentence, even though I have never ridden a cruise, I was able to vividly imagine what a cruise will look like as I have been to diverse amusement parks. I think it was very nice that you allowed the readers to vision it with something more commonly known.
4. I think the mood and the atmosphere of the cruise was very lively and full of laughter, which I was able to by some details like the cruise looking like a cruise, people leaning on the handrail to watch the sunset, and a swimming pool with a spa.
5. Like the writer specifically delineated on his essay, I believe he chose to write about this place because it was his first time taking a big ship which he had always dreamed of. Also by the fact that he liked the cruise very much, I think these are the reasons why he chose this place.
6. To give a suggestion to improve his essay, I think it would be better if you talked about a specific event or a happening that happened in the cruise. Inserting those details would make your essay more interesting.
The Cruise at the Finland
ReplyDeleteOn the clear blue sky of the Finland, ocean was also as clear as the sky. In the summer of 2010, I am with the big backpack which makes ratting sound because of my ironic cups at the side, heading to the Sweden to Stockholm with my cousin. The way to get there is numerous, but we made a big choice to take the cruise to there. Yes, it was expensive for both of us but we thought that this chance will never return. So we took a step toward the ship.
I was quite nervous from the beginning. When we were heading toward the cruise, we can easily recognize where to go because the ship was too large that it was easily seen from far behind. Big white chimney was the most interesting part of the ship. When we get closer, it was hard to put all the appearances into one sight. As we go in to the cruise, we have to pass the gate. The entering the cruise was like a passing through the immigration. People were waiting at the long line of the black gate which scans you. Also the employees are checking your visa and passport so it really felt like I am taking a plane. After when we first came into the ship, the new world began. I never saw the ship that is too big that have an elevator and hall and it looks like I am in a type of an amusement not the ship. Shops are across the hall like a big street and every floor people were busy going their way. The top was sealed with glasses which allow us to look at the sky. When first feeling toward cruise was like the Lotte World in the Korea. At the outside it is hard to recognize it but when you come in there, it looks like fantasy village and hard to imagine such things can be in the interior place.
The room is small but confident enough. Window in the room was designed round to remind that we are in the ship. The bed was chained with a wall and this was also reminded us that this is ship. But the window was too big that we could also show the room across the hall. So we had to call in mind to take the curtain before we went to sleep. After we put the things in the room, we went out to look on the cruise. It was like a scene of movie that the ship also had a swimming pool and spa. The spindle tree looks like palm tree was near the spa and swimming pool to make the place more appropriate.
When evening, we went out to the deck. The sunset on the sea was the most beautiful in the world. The smell of the sea was little bit salt, but it just gives me interesting feeling. Sun was wetting the ocean into the red. That is what we so called ‘the sun is painting the sea.’ Ship was also making big noise at the top of the chimney. People were having fun same as us lean on the handrail watching the sunset. Stars were slowly appearing on sky which was mixing with red, blue and black. The moon was light round and the temperature slowly goes down and we went to sleep. There was nothing big happened that day. But I really love this day because it was the perfect day ever I dreamed. It is probably why I remembered this day until now without any experience of something happened.
It was just one day and I was in there just for a twelve hours. But I never forgot that meaningful time. It was the first time I took big ship but also the place I only dreamed before. After that day, my only dream was to ride on that ship just one more time with my family. I really want to show them the most important scene ever I saw to the most important people to me.
Taking a cruise ship at the Finland
ReplyDeleteThe blue sky of the Finland was clear and as the ocean was too. In the summer of 2010, I was with the big backpack which made ratting sound because of my ironic cups at the side, heading to the Sweden to Stockholm with my cousin. The way to get there was numerous, but we made a big choice to take the cruise to there. Yes, it was expensive for both of us but we thought that this chance would never come again. So finally we chose to take the cruise.
In fact, I was quite nervous that I was not used to take a ship before and cruise was the first time to take. At that time, what I thought the most was ‘what if I made any mistake?’ When we were heading toward the cruise, we can easily recognize where to go because the ship was too large that it was easily seen from far behind. Big white chimney was the most interesting part of the ship. When we got closer, it was hard to put all the appearances into one sight. As we went into the cruise, we had to pass the gate. The entering the cruise was like a passing through the immigration at the airport. People were waiting at the long line of the black gate which scanned them. Also the employees were checking your visa and passport so it really felt like I was taking a plane. After when we first came into the ship, the new world began. I never saw the ship that was too big that have an elevator and hall inside it and it looked like I was in a type of an amusement park not the ship. Shops were across the hall like a big street and every floor people were busy going their way. The top was sealed with glasses which allowed us to look at the sky. When first feeling toward cruise was like the Lotte World in the Korea. At the outside it was hard to recognize it but whenever came in there, it looked like fantasy village and hard to imagine such things could be in the interior place.
The room was small but confident enough. Window in the room was designed round to remind that we were in the ship. The bed was chained with a wall and this was also reminded us that this was ship. Window was so big that we could also show the room across the hall felt like we were not in the ship. But this was too big that there was a chance to people to look into our room so we had to call in mind to take the curtain before we went to sleep. After we put the things in the room, we went out to look on the cruise. It was like a scene of movie that the ship also had a swimming pool and spa. The spindle trees looked like palm tree were near the spa and swimming pool to make the place more like tropical region
When evening, we went out to the deck. The sunset on the sea was the most beautiful scene in the world. Sun was wetting the ocean into the red. That is what we so called ‘the sun is painting the sea.’ It also looked like the sun was melting into the sea. The smell of the sea was little bit salt, but it just gives me interesting feeling. Ship was also making big noise at the top of the chimney. People were having fun same as us lean on the handrail watching the sunset. Stars were slowly appearing on sky which was mixing with red, blue and black. The moon was light round and the temperature slowly goes down and we went to sleep. There was nothing big happened that day. But I really loved this day because it was the perfect day ever I dreamed of. It was probably why I remembered this day until now without any experience of something.
It was just one day and I was in there just for a twelve hours. But I never forgot that meaningful time. It was the first time I took big ship but also the place I only dreamed before. After that day, my only dream was to ride on that ship just one more time with my family. I really want to show them the most important scene ever I saw to the most important people to me.