Heaven in My Hardest Time
201001006 Hyejin Kim
How many people could say that they've visited heaven when they were early 20s? Well, I can say that. I could find my heaven when I was spending the hardest time in my life. I went to England 2 years ago for volunteering work. I stayed a convent in a small town near London. There were many sisters and staffs in the community. I cleaned rooms, cooked, washed cars and so on for about 5 hours a day to help the community operate properly. Sometimes I had to accept works, arguments, and treatments that I could not understand. For example, some of the sisters were little bit hysterical and often I couldn't understand their behaviors. Also I suffered from different food and different culture. It was really stressful and I hardly shared my feelings to others since there was no friend around my age. I was the youngest in the community and second youngest was around 45 years old. I was very lonely and missed my country.
However, I could find a place to console my heart. The convent was surrounded by meadow and especially I liked a side that was near from my room. There were a couple of huge oak trees and brown colored wooden benches. When I sat on the bench, I could see four donkeys. All of them were brown and meek even though fences were all around them. When I fed them with bits of carrots, they came closer to me and chewed them with their big and nice teeth. Sometimes I brushed them with a sister from Belgium named Beatrice, they seemed to smile at me. When I had free time, I walked around the meadow, listened to music with my mobile phone, and stroked the donkeys' bristly backs. Then they used to make me fun chewing and pulling my jacket with their mouth lightly. The most enjoyable thing was to see evening glow sitting down on the bench. I enjoyed a full measure of various colored sunset behind my favorite oak tree. It would be red, pink, yellow, and light purple. Sometimes it showed all of the colors that I just mentioned. It was too marvelous to hold back my tears. Almost every day I went to walk to enjoy the moment after having my dinner which they called 'supper'. Walking around or sitting on the bench, I mostly smelled of grass and fallen leaves, however I could also smell of flowers in spring since flower garden was quite close from the place and the benches were surrounded by daffodil. Therefore I felt as if I were in heaven when I sat on the bench listening to music and watching the donkeys eating the grass. Sunshine was gorgeous behind the donkeys and endless green meadow.
Coming back to home after 1 year that I spent in the convent, I forgot most of the bad memories. The only thing that I remember clearly is the breeze and sunshine that I felt in my heaven. The place surrounded by oak trees, grass, donkeys, sunshine and sunset was the comfort itself for me. It was the place where I missed my family, friends and country. It was the place that filled my heart with warmth and encouragement that helped me to accept all of the bad and good memories I had there. So it is my most meaningful place ever.
To. Hyejin Kim
ReplyDeleteFrom. Jiyeon Yang(201301957)
1. I really enjoyed your essay. I especially like the phrase “Therefore I felt as if I were in heaven when I sat on the bench listening to music and watching the donkeys eating the grass.” Through whole passage, I could feel that you really love that place and wanted to express your feelings with the word ‘heaven.’
2. Yes. I could imagine that place in my mind by reading your essay.
3. First, I liked this sentence “I enjoyed a full measure of various colored sunset behind my favorite oak tree. It would be red, pink, yellow, and light purple.” I think you wrote this sentence for sight. And I could imagine atmosphere and mood of that place during sunset. And, second, you wrote “Walking around or sitting on the bench, I mostly smelled of grass and fallen leaves, however I could also smell of flowers in spring since flower garden was quite close from the place and the benches were surrounded by daffodil.” for the sense of smell. But, in my opinion, It is telling rather than showing. So I hope you to write this sentence more figuratively.
4. I think this place is full of nature and really peaceful and quiet.
5. I think the reason why writer chose this place is she found this place when she spent her hardest time in England so this place was like a heaven for her.
6. As I mentioned in number 2, I hope you to write that sentence more figuratively and also hope you to use another senses.
From. Jeong Seonghwa
ReplyDelete1. The part that you sat on the bench and looked the oak tree or the meadow you often walked around. As I feel, it reveals your relaxed feeling even you had had bad experience, sitting there relaxes your mind. I eager to see the exact view of the place.
2. I couldn’t find unclear part in your writing. The description of the place was good.
3. “I enjoyed a full measure of various colored sunset behind my favorite oak tree. It would be red, pink, yellow, and light purple.” The colorful sunset is well described in your writing. Also, “Walking around or sitting on the bench, I mostly smelled of grass and fallen leaves, …” expresses the sense of smell.
4. The place you described was filled with peace, even you sometimes went there after suffering by your work. You could get a peaceful mind from the nature.
5. You chose this place because you spent a lot of time at there during the volunteering and experienced the feeling about you were in heaven.
6. Your contents are good and has points to gather readers’ attention. But how about separate your writing more? It was little bit hard to read continuously since your text consists of only three paragraphs.