Meaningful place.
201300058 Yoonhae Kang
There was a little ally which I called 'the passage of wind'. It was a little alley between two apartments and there was a little bench. The place was always very quite because there were not many people who walk through the alley. However the place was not always a soundless place. At first, there were no sounds, however, after few seconds you can started to hear the blowing winds' whispering.
Especially in the season of autumn, I miss the place. At autumn, during the time when leaves turn their color and say good bye to their mother tree, the place was filled with continues dancing group of waltz. The leaves moved round and round follow with the flow of winds. Although the place was separated from all the sounds that are made by human but it was more crowded with whispering of winds and leaves which have just fall from tress around the bench. The yellow and red leaves danced around and in front of the bench, showing various color spinning together. It was beautiful and spectacular.
In addition, the place is a meaningful place between me and my friend of my childhood. I loved to sit alone on the bench however sometimes I visited the place with my friend. Both of us love the alley because it was such a romantic and quite place. We used to watching the leaves flying at autumn and wild flowers moving by wind at spring. In other times, we used to play housekeeping or play with ball. The place was a hiding place between me and my friend. Although both of me and my friend are no longer live in the apartment beside the alley whenever we chat, we miss the old bench.
I believe every person have a meaningful place of their own. For me, it was a secret hiding place of my childhood. I use to watch and hear the quite whispering of nature. In addition, I made fun and special memory with my friend at the alley. Still now, I miss my old bench and alley. Especially in a season of nowadays: autumn.
1. What did you like best about this essay?
ReplyDeleteI specifically liked the way you described what it was like during the autumn. I could vividly imagine how it would look like.
2. Did the writer describe the place clearly?
I think most of them were very clear. But if I have to pick one part that was not clear, then I would say when you are describing this part "In other times, we used to play housekeeping or play with ball," I was confused because I was not sure how you played housekeeping or played with the ball. I hope you to explain more about which part of the alley you played with the ball and how was it.
3.Did the writer appeal to the different senses? List to sensory details.
1) At autumn, during the time when leaves turn their color and say good bye to their mother tree, the place was filled with continues dancing group of waltz. The leaves moved round and round follow with the flow of winds.
Here I could vividly imagine the leaves swirling on the floor. It was an appeal to sight.
2)At first, there were no sounds, however, after few seconds you can started to hear the blowing winds' whispering.
This was an appeal to sound. From your description, I felt like hearing the wind whispering while rest of them stayed quite.
4. How would you describe the mood or the atmosphere?
You said that the place was soundless except for the wind and leaves. It was good but I think it would be better if you write more about how the atmosphere changes throughout a year. Was it soundless or the time? Or may be full of vitality in summer?
5. Why do you think the writer chose this place?
I think you had a great time with your friend in the alley when you were young. As you spent plenty of time there, it would mean a lot to you. I think you chose this place to reminisce you happy childhood period.
6. How could the writer improve this essay?
You did a good job on describing the alley's autumn. What about explaining more about its spring? More explanations about the wild flowers perhaps.
To. Yoonhae Kang
ReplyDeleteFrom. Jiyeon Yang(201301957)
1. I really enjoyed your essay. I liked you described the place very figuratively. Especially, I really liked this sentence “At autumn, during the time when leaves turn their color and say good bye to their mother tree, the place was filled with continues dancing group of waltz.” I liked this unique description because It made me feel like I read a children book.
2. Yes, I could imagine the place you described in my mind.
3. First, “At first, there were no sounds, however, after few seconds you can started to hear the blowing winds' whispering.” I think you wrote this sentence for auditory expression. I liked this sentence because I could vividly imagine situation that the wind is blowing.
Second, as I mentioned in question number 1, I liked this sentence “At autumn, during the time when leaves turn their color and say good bye to their mother tree, the place was filled with continues dancing group of waltz.” You wrote this sentence for sight and the reason why I liked this sentence is this sentence contains a creative expression, not a cliched expression.
4. I think this place is very peaceful and quiet. Also, although this place was near to your apartment, your neighborhoods did not know well about this place.
5. I think the writer chose this place because this place is very meaningful to her and her friend and also she usually think of this place in autumn.
6. I think your essay would be better if you use another senses like sense of smell.
Meaningful Place Of My Childhood - 2nd draft
ReplyDelete201300058 Yoonhae Kang
There was a little ally which I called 'the passage of wind'. It was a little alley between two apartments and there was a little bench. The place was always very quite because there were not many people who walk through the alley. However the place was not always a soundless place. At first, there were no sounds, however, after few seconds you could hear the blowing winds' whispering.
Especially in the season of autumn, I miss the place. At autumn, during the time when leaves turn their color and say good bye to their mother tree, the place was filled with continues dancing group of waltz. The leaves moved round and round followed with the flow of winds. Although the place was separated from all the sounds that are made by human but it was more crowded with whispering of winds and leaves which have just fall from trees around the bench. The yellow and red leaves danced around and in front of the bench, showing various color spinning together. It was beautiful and spectacular.
In addition, the place is a meaningful place between me and my friend of my childhood. I loved to sit alone on the bench however sometimes I invited my friend to the place. Both of us love the alley because it was such a romantic and quite place. We used to watch the leaves flying at autumn and wild flowers moving by wind at spring. In other times, we used to play housekeeping with tiny rocks and tree branches or play with a rubber ball. The place was a hiding place between me and my friend. Although both of me and my friend are no longer live in the apartment beside the alley whenever we chat, we still miss the old bench.
I believe every person have a meaningful place of their own. For me, it was a secret hiding place of my childhood. I use to watch and hear the quite whispering of nature. In addition, I made fun and special memory with my friend at the alley. Still now, I miss my old bench and alley. Especially in a season of nowadays: autumn.