Goodbye to My Adolescence
About 10 years, when I was from 9 to 18, I lived in one place. When I think about that place, I can think up about me in elementary school, middle school, and high school. In short, my precious teenage memory is related to that place. It was an apartment. It was at the mountainside. In that mountain, five different kinds of apartment were there. It was a quite big area. To get there, we have to get pass busy road, because there is a tunnel below that area. Passing the road that is always busy and even much more crowded in rush hour because of the tunnel, following the one steep road, I can get to my house. If I could to avoid walking to my house from the start of the road below the hillside, I tried everything I could. The reason was simple. It was so steep that I always felt like climbing the mountain.
One day in winter, there was heavy snowfalls. It was rare occasion in Busan. Along with a lot of snow, our area turned out to be a natural snow sleigh park. Until now, I cannot forget that day. It was better than any other snow sleigh park I've been to. The speed was very fast because of steep hills. Not only winter, we could truly enjoy and recognize spring, summer, or fall is coming in that area. In spring, we could see different kinds of blooming flowers. In summer, we could hear cicadas singing. In fall, all trees in our mountain at the back of our apartment building that me and my mom was used to climb in the morning changed their colors.
To enjoy fall more thoroughly, my mom and I were used to climb the mountain. Not only with my family, with my school mates, we went to the mountain to put our feet in little stream at there. Some of my best friends in school were living that area, and we used to meet every day after school and played together at outside of our house or each other's house. Beside these happy memories, I also had sad memory. I often scolded by my mother, and sometimes she told me to get out. There was nowhere to go, so I had to just wondering around the cold night at outside. Despite bad memories, still I had a lot of happy memories. Therefore, when our family decided to move house to other place, I felt very sad. Finally, when the day came, I felt like saying goodbye to my adolescence.
From:Yoonhae Kang(201300058)
ReplyDelete1. What did you like best about this essay?
I like the last sentence of your essay. I felt like saying goodbye to my adolescence. It seems like you are burying your memory with saying goodbye to the place.
2. Did the writer describe the place clearly?
I think the writer describe the place quite clearly. However, it will be more clear if you write some more details about the place. I understand you are saying about the mountainside, however, I could not get any image of what the place looks like.
3.Did the writer appeal to the different senses? List to sensory details.
The speed was very fast because of steep hills. Not only winter, we could truly enjoy and recognize spring, summer, or fall is coming in that area.
4. How would you describe the mood or the atmosphere?
It will be much better if you add some more description about the place. I cannot found the mood or the atmosphere that has explained in the essay.
5. Why do you think the writer chose this place?
I think you had a great time with mother, and the place with your childhood memory.
6. How could the writer improve this essay?
You did a good job on describing your memory about the mountain. What about explaining more about the mountain? More explanations about the wild flowers perhaps.
1. The best point of this writing is following sentence: Not only winter, we could truly enjoy and recognize spring, summer, or fall is coming in that area. Specifically in this part, I want to find out how the place showed the change of the season to you and I could see the scene through your explanation.
ReplyDelete2. I couldn’t find unclear part in your writing but I have question: did you safely came back to your home after your mom told you go out?
3. “Along with a lot of snow, our area turned out to be a natural snow sleigh park.” This scenery specially came to my mind. Since I also spent about 20 years in Busan, I know that snowing rarely happens. Sadly I cannot find another sensory details in your writing.
4. The place you described was calm and peaceful. Your memory is filled with much good memories and I can feel it.
5. You chose this place because your most of adolescence’s memories are connected with this place, I guess.
6. Like I said, if you add more sensory details in your writing, it would be draw more attention to read your text carefully.
From Jeong Seonghwa
Delete