The Timid and Nervous One
201003120 Jeong Seonghwa
The memory connected with the first time is strong. I can remember my good feeling to a girl whom I liked for the first time. Probably, it wasn't love but more careful heart for the opposite sex.
The girl, Y was in the same class when I was a 2nd grade elementary school student and we were often in the same class up to the elementary school graduation. Since the class was randomly announced every year, it was a small miracle being in same classroom with whom I liked.
She was little bit shorter than me and wore glasses. Her voice was slightly quiet. She always pull her hair tightly into a ponytail. Because I liked women's ponytail, even until now, the good feeling was doubled. She also had active characteristic and talkative. The whole thing she had looked good to me.
I, other male friend, H, she, and her friend, P were very close. The four gathered in every break time and talked, laughed and went back to the seat. I and H were both very funny so we couldn't help laughing when we were together.
One day, I and the girl whom I liked was talking and suddenly said, "I think H-my male friend-is really funny isn't it?" It was hurt because I liked her and she hadn't say that to me before. The funny characteristic was my no.1 pride so jealousy arose in my mind. But "Of course! he is so funny and I envy him!" I said. I overreacted for I didn't want let her see I was jealous. I thought that 'Yes, she just think him funny, not like him. Maybe I will be more interesting, she will like me someday.'
As time went, H became more interesting and I couldn't do anything. I just saw Y's smiling face when H made her laugh. From that time, I gradually became a timid person due to the thinking that I'm not qualified for being fond of her. Plus, jealousy to H grew and grew.
Anyway H and I were close friend even though I felt some bad feelings about him. One day, he and I returned to home together and he suddenly asked, "Seonghwa, do you like Y?" It was totally unpredictable question but I sincerely answered, "Um… Yes, I… do." H made his face like he already knew it. "Yes, you do. Right, she is a good girl and I think she fits you. Of course you fits her."
Listening that words from H was nearly shocked. It meant that he was not my rival. I was very happy and almost laugh aloud but barely hold it. Hearing the good words about Y from other person was also pleasant. That emotion I felt was so memorable.
However, I couldn't tell her my heart thinking that if I reveal my mind to her and she refuse or dislike it, I will be alone from that day. Losing my close friend was horrible to me.
I and Y were separated when we entered middle school. About 3 years I liked her and couldn't say her it directly. The more I tried to say, the more I became afraid of. I messed my mind up and hesitated unnecessarily. Maybe she noticed my mind; for I was not good at hiding my emotion. Even if it is right, she didn't think me more than a friend and also didn't want to lose a friend neither.
I cannot see the ponytail girl since the middle school day and it isn't that regretful to me. The memory is beautiful enough while she remains still the young elementary school student.
A Timid and Nervous One(Final)
ReplyDelete201003120 Jeong Seonghwa
A memory connected with the first time is unforgettable. I can remember my good feeling to a girl whom I liked for the first time. Probably, it wasn’t a love but more careful heart for the opposite sex.
The girl, Y was my classmate when I was a 4th grade elementary school student and we were often in the same class up to the graduation. Since the class was randomly announced every year, it was a small miracle being in a same classroom with whom I liked.
She was little bit shorter than me and wore glasses. Her voice was slightly quiet. She always pull her hair tightly into a ponytail. Because I have liked women’s ponytail, the good feeling to her was doubled. She also had active characteristic and was talkative. The whole thing she had looked good to me.
I, other male friend, H, she, and her friend, P were very close. The four gathered in every break time and talked, laughed and went back to the seat. I and H were both very funny so we couldn’t help laughing when we were together.
Then one day, I and Y was talking and suddenly she said, “I think H is really funny isn’t it?” It was hurt because I liked her and she hadn’t said that to me before. The funny characteristic was my top pride so jealousy arose in my mind. But “Of course! he is so funny and I envy him!” I said. I overreacted for I didn’t want let her see I was jealous. I thought that ‘Yes, she just thinks him funny, not likes him as a man. Maybe if I will be more interesting, she will like me someday.’
As time went, H became more interesting and I couldn’t do anything. I just saw Y’s smiling face when H made her laugh. From that time, I gradually became a timid person due to the thinking that I’m not qualified for being fond of her. Plus, the jealousy toward H grew and grew.
Anyway H and I were close friend even though I had some bad feelings about him. One day, he and I returned to home together and he suddenly asked, “Seonghwa, do you like Y?” It was totally unpredictable question but I sincerely answered, “Um… Yes, I… do.” H made his face like he already knew it. “Yes, you do. Right, she is a nice girl and pretty, and I think she matches you. I will support you!”
Listening that words from H was nearly shocked. It meant that he was not my rival. I was very happy and almost laugh aloud but barely hold it. Hearing the good words about Y from other person was also pleasant. That emotion I felt was so memorable.
However, I couldn’t tell her my heart thinking that if I reveal my mind to her and she refuse or dislike it, I would be alone from that day. Losing close friend due to my emotion was horrible to me.
After all I and Y entered different middle school. About 3 years I liked her and couldn’t say her it directly. The more I tried to say, the more I became afraid of. I messed my mind up and hesitated unnecessarily. Maybe she noticed my mind; for I was not good at hiding my emotion. Even if she knew my mind, she didn’t think me more than a friend and also want to lose a friend neither.
I cannot see the ponytail girl since the middle school day and the failure to tell her isn’t that regretful to me now. The memory is beautiful enough while she remains still the young elementary school student.