Every university student dreamed of travel to Europe. As one of the student, I also dreamed of traveling to Europe and I achieve my dream when I was in first grade. I manage to travel to Europe with my cousins in my summer vacation. We didn't have a very specific plan, but we manage to travel well. I think that there are three things that most impressive to me and still remember it clearly. It was the activity that I had in Europe.
The first is the riding on the cruise. It was the most impressive impact to me and I cannot forget it until the end of my life. I never saw the ship big like that. It was the really fascinating and I think I was in the movie or fantasy. How could this everything can be in one ship? It also serves the food and drink well too. The night at the beach was too beautiful for us to watch. I swear that one day in my future, I will take this again.
Second is the skydiving from the Switzerland. This was also the interesting to do. To have a skydiving, we have to sacrifice another things like food or transportation fee. At first I was thinking of having fun but after the plane take off from the land I become really nervous. After I can see the mountain below us, I found out that this is crazy thing. After I dive from the plane, the 35second gave me astonishing time.
For the last, interesting bus that takes me into the ship while I was traveling. In the Norway we have to take the bus from the early time so I slept during the bus. After I wake up I was really surprised that it look like I was in the tunnel but the bus did not move. Frustrating, I came out from the bus and I found out that the bus was in the ship and ship was going to our destination. At the top floor of the ship we can eat the food from the restaurant and we can see the view of the sight. I never experienced such things so this was really interesting.
So, the travel to Europe was really interesting to me. I can never forgot those memories because it was the most great idea I ever had in my life and It clearly shows why the young people love to travel, to see the how other people live in this world. I really want to travel the Europe again.
To. Lee Se Jong
ReplyDeleteFrom. Jeong Seonghwa
Assignment 2
What I like about this piece of writing is your vivid experience. I enjoyed your writings about the Europe travel. There were three things of the travel and it was enough to draw my attention because I also want to travel Europe.
Your main point seems to be an interesting memories from your Europe travel.
The second body(3rd paragraph) struck me as powerful. In the last two sentences, you described your nervous mind well. And after all, it became an astonishing time. The change of your thought was interesting.
I couldn't understand the third body(4th paragraph). So, you rode a bus and it took a ship for crossing river or sea right? Moreover, I wonder that why that was the interesting 'bus'. It seems that the whole trip by the bus with the ship was interesting. I understand what you meant but at first I was confused.
Last, if you make your introduction more effective, the writing will be more remarkable stuff. It seems normal and needs something more strong source.
Thank you
To. Lee Se Jong
ReplyDeleteFrom. Hyejin Kim
Assignment #2
What I like about this piece writing is that I could feel what you felt quite vividly.
Your main point seems that you had three unforgettable experience during the trip. Especially I like the part that you described skydiving. You explained well that you had to spend a lot of money which were supposed to be spent on food and transportation, but instead, you could get a memorable and exciting memory. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this writing is switching-tense problem. You mixed tenses so it can be confusing to audience. For example, in the first paragraph you wrote the past experience as current experience. However, I enjoyed your writing and interesting experiences very much, thank you!
To Sejong Lee
ReplyDeleteFrom Jiyeon Yang
Assignment #2
What i like about this piece of writing is that construction of your essay is so simple that i can understand your main point very easily. Your main point seems to be 3 impressive things during your Europe travel. Also, second paragraph struck me as powerful because description is so vivid that i can feel how you felt on the cruise. I think you described your memory very well. However, one thing is not clear to me. I think there are some tense problem in your essay. For example, you used mixed tense in this line, which is "As one of the student, I also dreamed of traveling to Europe and I achieve my dream when I was in first grade."
So, I think the one chage you could make that would make the bigget improvement in this piece of writing is using tense appropriately.
I really enjoyed your essay. Thank you!
To. Lee Se Jong
ReplyDeleteFrom. Edward Yom 염준호
Assignment 2
3a. "I was in the tunnel but the bus did not move. Frustrating.” By including the emotions you felt, this experience seemed real to me.
b. There were no places where I got confused.
c. The first paragraph was with good with the hook of everyone wanting to visit Europe, and it made me feel like reading on.
d. The basic verb tense you use is in the past tense. There was a tense change when you were explaining what happened at that time, and I thought that was appropriate.
e. Maybe if you included the date, or more information about the night beach instead of saying it was just beautiful, it might be better.
second draft
ReplyDeleteWhere am I, in Norway
-in a bus, or in a ship
It was August 17th in 2010. The morning of the Norway was so calm that I never saw it before in Korea. At that time I was having a travel a Northern Europe with my cousin. We’d been traveled for a two weeks start in Finland, Sweden to Norway and today was the important turning point to us because we had moved through whole the way south yesterday and had to come to Oslo, the capital of Norway, to get a ship to Denmark. It happened by my brother’s caprice.
While on the plane to Finland, he made a suggestion. Different from what he planned, we wanted to see the Lise fiord in Starvangar. That place was not popular for the foreigners but for the Notwegian. I was nervous if we miss time table, than the whole travel could be in problem. But I also had the chance to visit there too and that is when our long trip started. After we traveled through the Sogne Fiord and exhausted, we have to wake up at the 6 in the morning. The bus was at 6:30 and when I asked the bus driver and managed to take it
After I slept for a while that it was too busy morning, I wake up with astonishing that there is nobody in the bus except us. Also the bus didn’t move at all and we’re in place where it is dark. So surprised I was, I woke up my cousin and argued that we should get off from the bus right now. Then we realized that what we think the building or tunnel was actually moving. Yes. It was not a place above the ground. It was the ship! We found the exit to go up to the stair and there we saw the whole ship. It was so interesting. How can bus get into the ship and then ship goes to the destination. Also at the top floor, there were restaurant including place to rest. There we found the bus driver that you two were slept so deep that he just let us to sleep. There I finally solved all the mystery
That day, we climbed the Lise fiord and it was one of the best scenes I ever saw in my life. Also we were almost late for the train to Oslo but anyway we took it and we had a wonderful trip after that. But still thought that the most memorable thing happened in my trip was in the bus of Norway. Because their border are very curved and some place are full of lake and island, they have to go with bus and ship to transport effectively. It was totally a culture shock and the nervous of that time when I first woke up at there was. There was so much interesting in Europe and there was too much great artifact and culture, but only half a time in a bus and a ship was better than that thing.
I heard people can imagine what they had seen before. After I traveled Norway, my thought was broaden and there could be anything that can be happen in the world. Sometimes when I saw the movie and a hero or heroine stuck in the strange place later come out as a big vessel or space, I can more vividly experience what their feelings are now.