A Fear in the Past can be a Friend in the Future
Looking back, there was nothing to be frightened of, and definitely no reason to escape from the situation. However, at that time I did everything I can to avoid a dreaded fear for most children; riding a bicycle.
In 2002, I was eight years old. I was happily riding my tricycle around the parking lot, when suddenly my dad told me that I should learn how to ride a bicycle. At first, I was excited that I can buy a big bicycle, and I will be able to go faster.
Later that day, I got on the car with my dad to buy a new bicycle. As we arrived, my dad said, " You may choose any bike you want." After looking around the shop, I screamed excitedly, "That one, the huge red bike!" Although my dad and the bike owner tried to convince me that the bike was too big, I was unconvinced. I was sure that whatever it is, if it is bigger it would be better. Besides, the bike was red. After 20 more minutes of my dad's futile requests to change my mind, I sat on the front seat while my dad put the bike in the car, and we went home.
The next day, I was eager to ride the bicycle and ran outside. It was than when an obvious, yet stunning fact hit me. I now have to ride that humungous bicycle. It was very difficult to even get on the bicycle, and needless to say it was impossible to keep my balance on the bike. To make things worse, my feet did not reach the ground when I sat on my bike, so not only was pedaling hard, I could not stand and rest. This suddenly made me develop a fear for bikes. Fortunately, shortly after I realized this my dad had to go to work. I just pretended to enjoy the bicycle until my dad went to work, and shoved the bike in the garage. The garage door remained shut for a long time after that.
The next week, my dad asked me if I wanted to ride my bike today. I said that I was busy doing homework although I did not have any work to do. A few days after that, my dad asked my again, if I wanted to ride my bike. I said that I had to study for a test, which was also a lie. Every time my dad asked me if I wanted to ride my bike, I was either sick, studying for a test, already said I would meet my friends, or doing homework.
After two months have passed, my dad began to realize that I tried to escape from riding the bicycle because I was scared. He promised that he will not let go of the bike until I was confident riding the bike alone. We went to the garage together to pull out the bike. When I saw the bike with my dad, it not seem as big as it was before. Although I fell a few times, I quickly overcame my fears, and learnt how to ride the bike rather quickly. This is how I first learnt how to ride a bicycle. To this day, I ride my bike when I have to go long distances.
To: Edward Yom
ReplyDeleteFrom: Hajin Ahn
Assignment: # 2 First draft
What I like about this piece of writing is that you have a good structure. I started my writing without giving a clear introduction but you wrote the main idea clearly in the introduction so I could predict what your essay would be about beforehand. Your main point seems to be that there is nothing to be frightened. By courageously facing the difficulty, nothing is impossible. I totally agree with your point because I also had the same experience when I was young. I was very scared of riding bicycles but after practicing for two weeks, I could overcome all my fear. Particular words or lines struck me as powerful are first “As we arrived, my dad said, " You may choose any bike you want." After looking around the shop, I screamed excitedly, "That one, the huge red bike!" You used dialogues to make the story dynamic. Those helped me imagine the scene vividly. I could imagine a boy being excited at buying a new bike and how generous your father was as he told you to buy any bike you wanted. Secondly, I like that you used “In 2002, later that day, next day, next week, after two months.” Those phrases made the entire story flow well by showing how much each incident took. However, there are some things aren’t clear to me. “At first, I was excited that I can buy a big bicycle, and I will be able to go faster”. These lines or parts could be improved by using “could” instead of “can” and “would” instead of “will” as all of these happened in the past. Second, I looked up the word “humungous” and I found out that it was misspelled. It can be improved if you correct it into “humongous”. One last thing is “When I saw the bike with my dad, it not seem as big as it was before”. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is to explain more about the process of learning bicycles. I think you put too much emphasis on how you tried to escape from riding bicycles. If you make the process little more specific, I am sure that your writing would become more dynamic and interesting to read. Other than that, I really like your essay.
To Edward Yom From Haesook Yoon Assignment #2.
ReplyDeleteWhat I like about this piece of writing is that there are various words that describes the scene which help readers to understand more clearly.
Your topic seems to be riding a bicycle when you were young. And more you seems to convey how fear is not fear anymore somehow in the future.
I love your introduction part because when I was reading through I never thought it was going to be something like learning to ride a bicycle but with a sense of humor you told it will be about that! I loved the twist(is it a twist? I don't know but it felt like a twist to me.) However, I can not understand why it's somewhat about courage. I think it'd be better to emphasize more on your feeling and courage when you overcome your fear.
Really, it is a great piece of writing and I enjoyed your childhood story. See you in class!
To Edward
ReplyDeletea. One detail that made this experience seem real to you is the sentence 'Every time my dad asked me if I wanted to ride my bike, I was either sick, studying for a test, already said I would meet my friends, or doing homework. '
This detail makes me think that you really wanted to avoid riding the bicycle, and you were afraid of it, because you kept making excuses.
b. Actually, it's not a big deal. But, there were some sentences that I can't understand exactly.
1) Fortunately, shortly after I realized this my dad had to go to work
if you add comma between this and my dad, the reader can understand the sentence more easily.
2)To this day, I ride my bike when I have to go long distances.
If use the phrase 'even now' instead of 'to this day' , it will be more easy to understand I guess.
c. I think your first paragraph is good, as it attracts the readers attention, and make them get interested in your writing. Especially, I like the first sentece. This makes me wonder about what will come next. Specifically, what was the thing or the situation did he afraid of , want to avoid?
d. The writer used mostly the past tense, as it deals with experiences that happend past. But, if the writer changes it to other tenses it might look awakward. Except for the simple present tense maybe, if he changes sentences into direct sentences using quotations.
e. The writer mentioned how he overcame the fear of riding a bike shortly I guess. So, I would like to recommend that he write more about the experiences related to how he overcame ,and finally enjoyed riding the bike.
Also, adding his feelings about it would be nice.
염준호 201303872
ReplyDeleteFear Becomes Friend
Looking back, there was nothing to be frightened of. However, at that time I did everything I could to avoid a dreaded fear for most children; riding a bicycle.
I was eight years old in 2002 and happily riding my tricycle around the parking lot when suddenly my dad told me that I should learn how to ride a bicycle. At first, I was excited that I could buy a big bicycle, and I would be able to go faster.
Later that day, I got on the car with my dad to buy a new bicycle. As we arrived, my dad said, “ You may choose any bike you want.” After looking around the shop, I screamed excitedly, “That one, the huge red bike!” Although my dad and the bike owner tried to convince me that the bike was too big, I was unconvinced. I was sure that whatever it is, if it is bigger it would be better. Besides, the bike was red. After 20 more minutes of my dad’s futile requests to change my mind, I sat on the front seat while my dad put the bike in the car, and we went home.
The next day, I was eager to ride the bicycle and ran outside. It was than when an obvious, yet stunning fact hit me. I now had to ride that humungous bicycle. It was very difficult to even get on the bicycle, and needless to say it was impossible to keep my balance on the bike. To make things worse, my feet did not reach the ground which made pedaling very hard. This suddenly made me develop a fear for bikes. Fortunately, my dad had to go to work so I just pretended to enjoy the bicycle until my dad went to work, and shoved the bike in the garage. The garage door remained shut for a long time after that.
The next week, my dad asked me if I wanted to ride my bike today. I said that I was busy doing homework although I did not had any work to do. A few days later, my dad asked me if I wanted to ride my bike. I said that I had to study for a test, which was also a lie. Every time my dad asked me if I wanted to ride my bike, I was either sick, studying for a test, already said I would meet my friends, or doing homework.
After two months had passed, my dad began to realize that I had tried to escape from riding the bicycle because I was scared. He promised that he would not let go of the bike until I was confident riding the bike alone. We went to the garage together to pull out the bike. When I saw the bike with my dad, it did not seem as big as it was before. Although I fell a few times, I quickly overcame my fears, and learned how to ride the bike rather quickly. This is how I first learned how to ride a bicycle. To this day, I ride my bike when I had to go long distances.
염준호 201303872
ReplyDeleteFear Becomes Friend
Looking back, there was nothing to be frightened of. However, at that time I did everything I could to avoid a dreaded fear for most children; riding a bicycle.
I was eight years old in 2002 and happily riding my tricycle around the parking lot when suddenly my dad told me that I should learn how to ride a bicycle. At first, I was excited that I could buy a big bicycle, and I would be able to go faster.
Later that day, I got on the car with my dad to buy a new bicycle. As we arrived, my dad said, “ You may choose any bike you want.” After looking around the shop, I screamed excitedly, “That one, the huge red bike!” Although my dad and the bike owner tried to convince me that the bike was too big, I was unconvinced. I was sure that whatever it is, if it is bigger it would be better. Besides, the bike was red. After 20 more minutes of my dad’s futile requests to change my mind, I sat on the front seat while my dad put the bike in the car, and we went home.
The next day, I was eager to ride the bicycle and ran outside. It was than when an obvious, yet stunning fact hit me. I now had to ride that humungous bicycle. It was very difficult to even get on the bicycle, and needless to say it was impossible to keep my balance on the bike. To make things worse, my feet did not reach the ground which made pedaling very hard. This suddenly made me develop a fear for bikes. Fortunately, my dad had to go to work so I just pretended to enjoy the bicycle until my dad went to work, and shoved the bike in the garage. The garage door remained shut for a long time after that.
The next week, my dad asked me if I wanted to ride my bike today. I said that I was busy doing homework although I did not had any work to do. A few days later, my dad asked me if I wanted to ride my bike. I said that I had to study for a test, which was also a lie. Every time my dad asked me if I wanted to ride my bike, I was either sick, studying for a test, already said I would meet my friends, or doing homework.
After two months had passed, my dad began to realize that I had tried to escape from riding the bicycle because I was scared. He promised that he would not let go of the bike until I was confident riding the bike alone. We went to the garage together to pull out the bike. When I saw the bike with my dad, it did not seem as big as it was before. Although I fell a few times, I quickly overcame my fears, and learned how to ride the bike rather quickly. This is how I first learned how to ride a bicycle. To this day, I ride my bike when I had to go long distances.