New Continent
201003120 Jeong Seonghwa
More than 24 hours. Three airplanes. The ocean. Those were the majority sources I remember about my trip to Brazil. Since Brazil is located nearly at the antipode with Korea I had to travel a long long time. Before two hours from landing on São Paulo, I really wanted to go back to home because I was totally exhausted. Also, I needed to take one more domestic flight. But I endured, for that was my first trip to the American Continent and might the last trip to the South America. Then I arrived, traveled and came back. Simply, it was awesome as I thought that I don't want to return to Korea. Roughly I had three reasons why the travel was really good for me: foods, nature and people.
I like bread and coffee-it is completely different food preference from the traditional Korean's. In Brazil there were so many stores that simply deals bread and coffee. Interestingly, it was difficult to find the worldwide franchise cafés, such as Starbucks, if the place is not a famous tourist spot so I was able to drink much cups of coffee. Plus, the buffet restaurants I'd never experienced are memorable. The form of the restaurant was just like a buffet but the price system was so fresh to me. It was set by my dishes' weight. In other words, I paid the exact price for my meal. Fair enough.
Next, the nature of Brazil was impressive. The first city I stayed was Curitiba. Its representative tree was a palm tree and all the tree I saw in the downtown was it. Specifically for Koreans, the palm tree is recognized as the symbol of vacation. It made me feel that I was traveling. Moreover, I experienced something new. For example, I explored a cave with other tourists and a guide. It was the first time that I entered a cave. There was no light equipment in the cave thus we held a flashlight and followed the guide. The ground was soft soil and surroundings were pretty quiet. In the middle of the cave we turned off the lights and felt nothingness. No lights and no sounds. At that time I felt awe and thanks for light and sound. Through the exploration, I could understand what the word 'remarkable' means.
Finally, I met many interesting people in Brazil. The owner of the house where I stayed in my first spot was a gay. I didn't know that just thought he has a unique sense of fashion. My Korean friend who guided me in all the travel one day told me that he once had said I am cute. It was the first time to gain the good word-I think-from a gay, I was funny and thankful. And then, when I traveled other spot I met a group of middle-aged men who rode Harley Davidsons. They had been traveling with their bikes and by chance we met a same accommodation. I traveled some places with them, and they were so enjoyable just watching their playing with friends. They played and acted like high school students with a muscular bodies. I could see pure and sincere friendship by watching them.
Again, more than 24 hours, three airplanes and the ocean to Korea. 15 days in Brazil passed too fast. I think I was Columbus because I found new world that I'd never known. I went to Brazil with no information and it let me take all things with no sense of refusal. I was like a sponge that could absorb Brazil genuinely and I succeeded to do it. I hope visit Brazil again before my sponge goes dry.
To: Seonghwa Jeong
ReplyDeleteFrom: Jihoon Yoo
Assignment #2
What I like about this piece of writing is how you divided the reasons why this trip was memorable into three main reasons. Therefore it was very clear and interesting to read your essay. Your main point seems to be what interesting facts there were for you as you travelled to a whole new place with no information or experience. Some particular words or phrases that were really powerful were first, when you said you thought of yourself as Columbus. I thought it was very interesting metaphor, as it fits your situation, and also it seems to decorate your essay more. And the second one was right below the first one when you described yourself once again to a sponge. I think it was a suitable word choice to describe yourself and your trip to a whole new country. Lastly, at the beginning, you rather listed some words like planes, ocean; and I think it was very clever, as it was able to draw the audience instead of just explaining it in simple sentences. So I really liked the beginning of your essay. However, some sentences were not clear, and therefore needs some improvement. You said “such as Starbucks, if the place is not a famous tourist spot so I was able to drink much cups of coffee.” In this sentence, I wasn’t able to totally grasp what you were trying to say. Therefore I believe this sentence needs some improvements in terms of clarification. Secondly, you said “I didn't know that just thought he has a unique sense of fashion.” This sentence too was a bit unclear, and therefore I think you should change it to “I didn’t know that fact, and just thought he had a unique sense of fashion.” In my opinion, the one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is to write about how you felt about the overall trip to Brazil, like about what you learned from the trip. I believe it will improve your writing very much.
Yoonhae Kang.
ReplyDeleteHi I'm Yoonhae Kang and I enjoyed reading your essay. You expained well about your trip to Brazil. You seemed to be enjoyed your travel;)
In the essay, I love your 'Hook'. It definitely caught my eyes. By using three phrase, it really shows the way to Brazil was long and hard. In addition, it describes how much you were excited about the trip
Second Draft
ReplyDeleteMore than 24 hours. Three airplanes. The Atlantic. Those were the majority sources I remember about the way to Brazil. Since Brazil is located nearly at the antipode with Korea I had to travel a long long time. Before two hours from landing on São Paulo, I really wanted to go back to home because I was totally exhausted. Also, one more domestic flight was waiting for me. But I endured for that was my first trip to the American Continent and might the last trip to the South America. Then I arrived, traveled and came back. Simply, it was awesome as I didn’t want to return to Korea. Roughly I had three reasons why the travel was really good for me: foods, nature and people.
I love to have loaves of bread with a cup of coffee as a meal. It is completely different food preference from the traditional Korean’s. Then in Brazil there were so many stores that simply deals bread and coffee. It was good to having lots of meal like that. Interestingly, it was difficult to find the cafés like Starbucks unless the place is a famous tourist spot, for instance I could never see Starbucks in Brazil except in the airport. Anyway, drinking coffee from its major producer was wonderful. Plus, the buffet restaurants I’d never experienced were memorable. The form of the restaurant was just like a buffet but its price system was so fresh. It was set by my dishes’ weight. In other words, customers can pay the exact price for their meal. Fair enough and delicious. Content.
Next, the nature of Brazil was impressive. The first city where I stayed was Curitiba. Its representative tree was a palm tree and all the tree in the downtown was it. Specifically for Koreans, the palm tree is recognized as the symbol of vacation. Therefore it made me feel that I was traveling. Moreover, I experienced several new things. One example is a cave tour. It was the first time walking in a cave. There was no light equipment in the cave thus my tour team held a flashlight and followed the guide. The ground was soft soil and surroundings were pretty quiet. In the middle of the cave we turned off the lights and felt nothingness. No lights and no sounds. Somewhat awesome and thankful mind for light and sound arose. Through the whole exploration, I could understand what the word ‘remarkable’ means.
Finally, I met many interesting people in Brazil. The owner of the house where I stayed in my first spot was a gay. I just thought he had a unique sense of fashion but didn’t notice that he was a gay. My Korean friend who guided me in all the travel told me one day that he once had said I am cute. It was the first time to gain the good word from a gay-I think, I was funny and thankful. And then, when I traveled other spot I met a group of middle-aged men who rode Harley Davidsons. They had been traveling with their bikes and by chance we met at a same accommodation. I traveled some places with them, and they were so enjoyable just watching their playing with friends. They played and acted like high school students with muscular bodies. I could see pure and sincere friendship by watching them.
Again, more than 24 hours, three airplanes and the Ocean to Korea. 15 days in Brazil passed too fast. I was Columbus because I found new world that I’d never known. Trip to Brazil with no information let me take all things with no sense of refusal. Like a sponge, I absorbed genuine Brazil. Hope I visit Brazil again before my sponge goes dry.