201301957 Jiyeon Yang
When I was an elementary school student, I spent every vacation in my grandmother's house. That's because not only my parents were to-paycheck couple, but also I loved my grandmother. I usually picked weeds in her garden and caught a dragonfly. My grandmother and I used to do grocery shopping and make delicious foods. Besides, we did everything together. She was a warm-hearted person and totally devoted to me. However, after I entered a high school, I could not visit her at all because I had to study. And because of good memories in my childhood, It made my heart ache just to think of my mother living such a lonely life after I grew up.
Then last year, my grandmother had an accident. She missed her step and fell down the stairs. Since then, she became weak rapidly. So she stayed in my home for a long time and I had to take care of her. Although I loved her, sometimes care was really stressful. So I sometimes thought that I wanted to play instead of taking care of her on my childish mind.
And this summer, I went to boracay with my friend. I enjoyed my boracay trip for 5 days. When I came back from boracay, my mother said sadly "Grandmother passed away. Although I knew there was a special bond between you and your grandmother, I did not want to ruin your trip. So I did not tell about her passing." When I first heard this, I could hardly believe my ears. I could not believe her saying at all. I acknowledged that it was for real after I visited my grandmother's house. When I walked around her town, I recollected my childhood days and the memory made me cry.
Of course, I cried because I was sorry that I did not visit her very often. Also, I cried because I was sorry that I did not take good care of her although she was devoted to me. However, more regretful thing than those things for me was that I did not say goodbye to her. Even I did not say that I thanked you and I loved you. I was so sad because I was not with her when she passed away even though we were so special.
May be, I will forever regret that I could not be by my grandmother's side when she passed away. But I believe that more important thing is that my grandmother and I shared lots of memories. And good memories make me think she passed away during my vacation because she did not want to see me suffering. I am still sad and I regret, but I am sure that it would be remediable because I have lots of shared memories with my grandmother. Also, I hope you to build up unforgetable memories with the people you love.
What a long writing! You should have lots of things to write. I was touched by your writing because I was also familer with my grandmother and I understatnd the feeling of your grandmother. It was great writing and the sentence you wrote 'when I walked arond her town, I recollected my childhood days...' this sentence was so good. But I think you can gather second and third paragraph into one paragraph to show the process. I think it would be better if you revise it. Really, I loved to read your writing.
ReplyDeleteTo Jiyeon Yang From 염준호(Edward Yom) Assignment 2 First Draft
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is it is a personal story, and I get to know something about the writer.
2. Your main point seems to be that you regret not being by your grandmother’s side when she passed away.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful!
Words or lines: “I did not want to ruin your trip. So I did not tell about her passing.
I like them because that dialogue shows well, your mother’s perspective.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved.
a) Lines or parts:That's because not only my parents were to-paycheck couple
Need improving because it is grammatically wrong.
That is not only because my parents both work
b) Lines or parts: and totally devoted to me
Need improving because it is grammatically wrong.
and was totally devoted to me
c) Lines or parts: a high school
Need improving because it is grammatically wrong.
high school
5. The one change that you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is looking over your grammar.
To. Jiyeon Yang
ReplyDeleteFrom. Jeong Seonghwa
Response to Assignment #2 (pg.53)
a. The detail that your grandmother passed away when you were in trip seemed real to me, although it is so dramatic situation.
b. In the 3rd paragraph, you said about visiting your grandmother’s house after her passing away. I guess because your family visited there for gathering her stuff. Since you wrote your grandmother had stayed in your home, it was little confused that why suddenly you went to your grandmother’s house.
c. Your beginning was too normal. It is not bad but needs more attractive sources.
d. The basic verb tense was past and in the 5th paragraph you used present and future. In my opinion it was good for it described your present thought.
e. When you revise this writing, I hope reducing ‘memory’. I know it is crucial point of your writing but seemed too many. Maybe you would reduce or replace the word.
It was a good writing and I enjoyed it. Thank you.
Final draft
ReplyDeleteMy biggest regret
Jiyeon Yang
201301957
My biggest regret
Sometimes, people regret that they could not be their parents’ side when their parents passed away. When I was young, I could not understand their mind. However, something happened and now I know how painful it is to lose someone who I love unexpectedly. So I would like to tell you what happened to me.
When I was an elementary school student, I spent every vacation in my grandmother’s house. That is not only because my parents both worked, but also I loved my grandmother. I usually picked weeds in her garden and caught a dragonfly. Also, my grandmother and I used to do grocery shopping and make delicious foods. Besides, we did everything together. She was a warm-hearted person and was totally devoted to me. However, after I entered high school, I could not visit her at all because I had to study. Also, because I spent most of my childhood with my grandmother, It made my heart ache just to think of her living such a lonely life. Then last year, my grandmother had an accident. She missed her step and fell down the stairs. Since then, she became weak rapidly. So she stayed in my house for a long time and I had to take care of her. Although I loved her, sometimes care was really stressful. So I sometimes thought that I wanted to play instead of taking care of her on my childish mind.
And this summer, I went to boracay trip with my friend. I enjoyed my boracay trip for 5 days. When I came back from boracay, my mother said sadly “Grandmother passed away. Although I knew there was a special bond between you and your grandmother, I did not want to ruin your trip. So I did not tell about her passing.” When I first heard this, I could hardly believe my ears. I could not believe her saying at all.
Few days later, I visited my grandmother’s house for clearing out. There was my grandmother’s tomb and I acknowledged that it was for real. I recollected my childhood days walking around her town and the memory made me cry. Of course, I cried because I was sorry that I did not visit her very often. Also, I cried because I was sorry that I did not take good care of her although she was devoted to me. However, more regretful thing than these for me was that I did not say goodbye to her. Even I did not say that I thanked you and I loved you. I was so sad because I was not with her when she passed away even though we were special.
ReplyDeleteMay be, I will regret that I could not be by my grandmother's side when she passed away for a long time. However, I am sure that it would be remediable someday because I know that more important thing is my grandmother and I shared lots of memories and she still lives in my heart.