| Saying Good Bye. 201302209 Haesook Yoon People say good bye when they go to different destinations. I have said many good byes but I remember this particular good bye. The moment when my father said good bye to the rest of his family as they were going overseas remains in my head as a vivid picture. My mom, brother and I have been stayed in Australia for about two years. That was not a planned travel. We suddenly got the information about studying abroad and prepared everything in just one month. So we have got the visa and everything was packed and we were ready to go. However, all of the family members did not seem to be prepared to be apart. It seemed like we were being separated forever. I was not prepared to leave Korea where my dear friends, relatives and my father lived. Nevertheless, we had to get on board. On the day of leaving, we woke up early in the morning. The air was cold and the road was empty. As we got out of the town, my heart felt empty like the road. I thought I was leaving my precious memories too. At the airport, still early in the morning but crowded, we strolled around with our plane tickets in our hands. We knew it was not a last good bye but still we were a little bit depressed. I could see everyone was acting lively. Finally the departure time came. We walked to the gate and we all kissed lightly each other as we did in front of our house when father went to work. We went in with our luggage and the door was about to close when my father said, "love you all!" in a soaked voice. We could not see his face but could know he was crying. My mom's eyes turned to red but she never cried. That's when I saw my father's gentle side which he never showed us before and my mother's strong side as she was the only one who can look after her little children in a very new and unknown place. I remember this picture not full of sorrow but full of love and courage. I remember this good bye as my best good bye ever because we met again, became stronger and learned to love more.
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Saturday, September 27, 2014
Haesook Yoon/Assignment #2 /Tuesday 9 a.m.
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To. Haesook Yoon
ReplyDeleteFrom. Hyejin Kim
Assignment #2
What I loke about this piece of writing was that you described your feeling and the faces of your family members who were about to leave Korea. Your main point seemed that most of people had experienced of saying good bye to go to other destinations, you had a special and unforgettable moment. And I could understand your feeling thoroughly since I had most same experience like you. There are two powerful expressions that I liked. First one was "as we got out of the town, my heart felt empty like the road", since it showed your feelings of leaving so well that I could come up with my feelings that I experienced when I left Korea 2 years ago. Second one was "That's when I saw my fathe's gentle side which he never showed us before and my mother's strong side as she was the noly one who can look after her little children in a very new and unknown place". I liked it because it described how your parents tried to act to be comfortable with this sad situation. The part that wasn't clear to me and you could improve was the first sentence of the second paragraph. If you changed "have been stayed" to "had been stayed", it would be clear because "have bee stayed" sounded like you're still in Australia. I enjoyed your writing, thank you!
To. Haesook Yoon
ReplyDeleteFrom. Jeong Seonghwa
Assignment #2
What I like this piece of writing is that I could see the love of family through the time that you heard father’s goodbye. Even though it was just one sentence, you were able to feel your father’s gentle side. It touched my heart.
Your main point seems to be the moment that you and your family, except your father, left Korea. Since you are living with your whole family, the memory was not full of sorrow but of love and courage.
As I mentioned, I like the part that your father said goodbye. In some ways I can feel his heart that worried about only you and other family member with no caring himself. It is not a unique situation nowadays, nevertheless, I often feel sad about this story.
Actually I have no vague part from your writings. The contents were simply connected well and time sequence was good for reading it interestingly.
If you improve your introduction, the writing could be better. For my example, ‘Have you seen your father cries?” Or you can make more creative hook to draw the reader’s attention.
I enjoyed your writing. Thank you.
To. Haesook Yoon
ReplyDeleteFrom. Hajin Ahn
One detail that made this experience seem real to me is the part in which you explained about the weather and the environment. When reading about your description that the air was cold and the road was empty, one image popped into my head. You wrote that it seemed like your family members were to be separated forever. I was little confused in this part because it lacked the information on why they thought like that. I would like you to explain the emotions more. I personally think your introduction is good because it gives an overall idea of your essay and leads readers into the story well. However, I think it would make me feel more like reading on if you put some dialogues into the introduction. The basic verb tense being used in your essay are past, past continuous and present perfect. When you are relating the past information to the present one, you used present perfect tense while for the reflection part, you used the past tense. If you change some of past tense into past perfect tense, it would be better because it will give more information about the chorological order of your experience. I would like to know more about how your father had been like before the day of leaving and why you though the picture was full of courage. Other than that, as I’ve mentioned already, putting some dialogues and conversation would make your essay so much vivid. Other than that, I think your essay is great.
Saying Good Bye
ReplyDelete201302209 Haesook Yoon
People say good bye when they go to different destinations. I have said many good byes but I remember this particular good bye. The moment when my father said good bye to the rest of his family as they were going overseas remains in my head as a vivid picture.
When I was 15 years old, my mom, brother and I lived in Australia for about two years. That was not a planned travel. We suddenly got the information about studying abroad and prepared everything in just one month. So we got the visa and everything was packed and we were ready to go. However, all of the family members did not seem to be prepared to be apart. It seemed like we were being separated forever because we have never been apart for that long time before then. I was not prepared to leave Korea where my dear friends, relatives and my father lived. Nevertheless, we had to get on board.
On the day of leaving, we woke up early in the morning. The air was cold and the road was empty. As we got out of the town, my heart felt empty like the road. I thought I was leaving my precious memories too. At the airport, still early in the morning but crowded, we strolled around with our plane tickets in our hands. We knew it was not a last good bye but still we were a little bit depressed. I could see everyone was acting lively. Finally the departure time came. We walked to the gate and we all kissed lightly each other as we did in front of our house when father went to work. We went in with our luggage and the door was about to close when my father said, “love you all!” in a soaked voice. We could not see his face but could know he was crying. My mom’s eyes turned to red but she never cried.
That’s when I saw my father’s gentle side which he never showed us before and my mother’s strong side as she was the only one who can look after her little children in a very new and unknown place. I remember this picture not full of sorrow but full of love and courage. Although we were apart and scared to be, we endured those times and overcame the fears and emptiness. Instead of just missing each other, we learned to express our love more. I remember this good bye as my best good bye ever because we met again, became stronger and learned family-love more.